Advice/Attention: Intentions

A question I was asked and thought worth answering.  Yay!

I DO CARE about advice. But why is it ALWAYS ME who has to get it when I clearly know there are other people who need it more? I am not going as far as linking her or anything. That's what she does. I've left her alone, but she always brings me up. Always this grudge that never seems to cease. DO I just sit here and ignore it when it's my own best friend that has to deal with it?

Ah!  Great question.  And this is the beauty at the core of the apple.  You're asking the question with an emphasis on you being the one who "has to" get the advice--as though the advice itself is a form of correction or punishment.  And that is not why we choose to give you advice.  We offer you advice because you have earned our respect enough to invoke an interest in your growth and to invest in your path toward happiness and satisfaction.  Advice is the reward, not a punishment!

The same is said of people who attend therapy or counseling.  Therapy is not for crazy people!  It is for people who bring themselves in because they want to be better people.  They want to develop.  They deliberately seek out professionals who know things and say, "Hey, look at my life and tell me how I can live and think and feel even better!  I want to be better, I want to grow."

The same is said at my own work.  Sometimes things get crazy at work and I have to ask people to stay longer than the shifts I scheduled them for.  And the ones who don't understand me yet think I'm punishing them for asking them to stay.  And then I tell them, "Think about this the way I do!  The reason I ask for you to stay is because you have earned my attention.  If I ask for you, it's because you have done such good work for me that you've caught my eye and I want to see more of you.  I'm making a personal request to have you, and giving you work and money as a reward for the proven good work you've done.  If someone is doing sloppy or mediocre work, then I won't even notice if they're gone and won't really care when it's time for them to leave.  Your goal is to want us to miss you, to crave to have you back, to beg of you to stay longer.  And we want for you to love your job so much that your goal is to convince us to keep you longer."

I pay attention to you, I give you advice, because you have proven to me that you are worth the time it takes for me to give it to you.  Because you have proven that you will make use of it, without rancor or bitterness or misgiving.  And I care about the time I invest into the advice I give.  Just because other people need it more doesn't mean they'll use it if I give it to them.  The people who need therapy the most are the ones least likely to set themselves up for an appointment.  They'll wait until they've degenerated to the point where they are forced to sit before the therapist in a straight-jacket.  I don't see you as that kind of person.  Even now, I'm taking the time to write this to help you to feel like this time I put into giving you advice is a sign of affection and not a sign that something is wrong with you or that you are being punished.  We do love you!
 
All that being said, I hope you're happier to hear what the people who genuinely feel for you have to say.  In this case, I would say, "If you're going to divorce her, do it completely, and with love.  Do this free of spite, bitterness, or venom on your tongue."  Let this her be her grudge that never ceases, and not yours.  If you truly, completely divorce yourself from her, you will never hear a word she says, and any word that comes to you third-party will be dismissed or received without a shred of pain, because you are over it and have chosen to invest no more injury into this feud.  She will persist, but she will do so within the confines of her own personal, spiritual prison, and that concerns not you nor any of us.  She is an adult and is entitled to make her own decisions, no matter how unhealthy they are for her, but none them will reveal or make any statement about you.  You only show your dark side when you respond and fight back and show how her words cause you frustration, pain, anger, bitterness, or any other upset.  That is when you prove her right.  And as the advice giver, I believe you don't want her to be right about you.  So, my original recommendation, do not snap back or show your contempt or expose what is happening.  It is beneath you and you are capable of far greater humanity than this.  Leave her to writhe in her own self-destructive behaviors and show your best mercy and compassion by not sending the dogs or your loyal army after her.  Just let it go.  Divorce and forgive and forget and be done.  Understood?

Only Mick could make me copy/paste a freakin' chain event.

If you want to play, be one of the first five to comment and message your address to me.

The first five people to respond to this post will get something handmade by me.
(Indicate you actually want to get something from me and that you want to play in your comment).

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations so please read carefully:
-I make no guarantees that you will like what I make. ( <<< Anyone else find that humorous other than me?)
-What I create will be just for you.
-It'll be done this year (2009).
-You have no clue what it's going to be.
-It will be something made in the real world and not something over the internet. It may be a mixed CD. It may be a photo. I may sew something.

It could be ANYTHING!
-I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
-And I also reserve the right to do something severely simple.

Here's the fine print:
Okay, all you need to do is repost this in your blog and be willing to make five things for other people. Spread the Xanga love!

All righty, the first 5 people to post a comment will get something hand made from me (message me your address if you're not afraid of me stalking you). Have fun!

Currently Emergence By Lonnie Plaxico see related

Response to Mick's Valentine's Day blog (which is great and you should totally read it)

First off, Mick is awesome and I just want to stare at him from outside his window all night.  I know I haven't written in forever, but it's understandable because I'm just too damned good for online journaling now. =D

Anyhow, I wrote this comment on Mick's blog.  You should definitely read Mick's inspirational entry before reading this one, since mine is a response to his.  My comment there was lengthy enough that I might as well rewrite it here.  So, without further delay:

*My Comment.*

Nice work, Mick.  People who throw out a holiday because of what other commercial forces have done to it, are discarding perfectly good opportunities to do holidays right.  This reminds me of a similar verse I wrote (maybe you're paraphrasing from it?) about the ancient commandment to love thy neighbors.  We misunderstand the commandment by thinking it says "Try to love your neighbors" or "Consider loving your neighbors".  We know we're supposed to, but then we think "But my neighbors are so gross/loud/embarrassing" and hold a grudge against them.  We do this funny thing where we evaluate our neighbors first, y'know, get to know them, check them out to see if they're cool, to see if they deserve love.  And if they turn out to be cool, and they pass our tests, then we love them.  We pass judgement on them to see if they're worth loving. The philosophy I wrote about asserts that we should love our neighbors before we even know who they are.  The day before they move in, we should already be loving them.  Neighbor-as-concept is loved foremostly, before neighbor-as-person even materializes.  Love them before you even know what kind of people they'll turn out to be, and love them no matter what kind of people they do turn out to be.  That's the transcendence of condition in Love.

The same should go for Trust, Peace, Forgiveness, Perfection, and Love in equal parts as the five constituents of "Heaven" as you've heard me describe it.  Forgive before you are even aware of the crime.  Trust before you are ever conscious of one's trustworthiness.  Recognize perfection before you even open your eyes to see the world.  Love before you are aware of all that you are loving.  If those were true, justice and law itself would buckle and reform to that same principle.  Justice would be defined as the creation of rules that everyone agrees to, before the curtain of ignorance is lifted.  The curtain meaning that you imagine there is a hat full of strips of paper with roles of citizens written on them, and when the time comes, you will draw from that hat to determine which person in society you are going to be.  You could be the criminal, the officer, the rich man, the poor man, a person of privilege or a person of poverty; and justice is the manner in which you write the laws of your civilization, before you have any idea which of those people you're going to be.  Because, in all fairness, your role is no more determined than the random selection of a strip of paper from out of a hat.  And all of those roles are a perfectly established part of the world that you live in.  The curtain of ignorance is down when you try to write your laws justly.  If you write the law that black men should be enslaved, well, when that curtain gets lifted you might end up being the black man!  So you probably wouldn't want to write that law. =)  If we strike out the "conditions" that are worthy of love, trust, forgiveness, and peace, and begin to simply love first, trust first, and forgive first, then we'll be at peace with things first, and perfection will redefine itself to being precisely that, and Heaven is the achievement.

So, with neighbors, you love your neighbors first, and then when you discover them and get to know them, it is only to realize that these are precisely the neighbors you were meant to love, no matter who they turn out to be.  That is the point of the commandment.  And that is the point of Valentine's Day, too.  Love people.  It doesn't matter what you think they're worth or what you evaluate them to deserve; you're wrong.  They're worth love, and they deserve all of yours.  Because all people do, always.  Love the people you know, and to truly transcend condition, love the people you don't know, too!  Not knowing them shouldn't be the condition that stops you from loving them. =D  And Valentine's Day is a reminder that love, in act or in thought, is meant for everything and meant to reach everyone and touch everything.  Everyone is capable of love and everyone is lovable.  A perfect giver and a perfect receptacle of love does everyone make.  Valentine's Day is a baseline for every day.  And maybe someday when we get Valentine's Day right, we can get every day right.

Case closed, bitch. =D  Fantastic job writing this thing.

P.S. I know I understated it (because I know you're well aware), but to be complete on the topic, it is very much the same with peace.  Peace is chosen first.  First thing in the day.  Not after you have the day should you decide whether or not that day "merits" peace.  We don't need to wait for the day to happen for us to determine whether it was peaceful.  If we decide the day is going to suck, then everything that happens will tally up to a sucky day.  If we decide we'll be at peace today, then everything that happens *no matter what happens* ought to emotionally tally up to exactly what was needed for a happy, peaceful day.  The day a person gets fired from work can be a peaceful day; he doesn't have to wait to get fired and then decide today was awful.  We know that people are like this.  You can have a day that is beautiful and wonderful and solid, and then one person says one stupid thing and ruins the whole day for you; it happens to any of us who wait until the end of the day to decide what kind of day we had.  Peace comes first, like love comes first.  Just like we don't wait to get to know our neighbors before we decide whether or not we should love them, we don't wait for our day to happen before we decide whether or not we should love it, or decide what kind of day it was.  Simple, right? =D

I was going to leave this extra bit out, but I figured what the hell.  Maybe someone else will come in and read this and be like SHIT OH MY GOD FIRST VALENTINE'S DAY AND NOW MY WHOLE LIFE ARE TURNED AROUND FOREVER

haha

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Well, that's that.  Peace be with you, Xanga!

Yay, Goats. :)